Hello and welcome to a self reflective post that I’m mainly doing for myself more than anything. But yeah I was thinking earlier about my friendships and how they generally work.
So my main issue in terms of being replaced is “will a friend that you’ve loved and respected for a long time gets into a relationship, would they end up replacing you?” Now my unfortunate guess to that answer would be a yes because of the position they hold in your life as the person that they love and hold in such high esteem would go to the significant other in my opinion. That’s one of the main reasons why I don’t bother with relationships because I don’t want to lose touch with any of the friends that have loyally been available for me. Also, it’s gonna be difficult for someone to match how much I love and care for my friends. So therefore I just stay alone. If I found someone that compared to any of my friends then sure I’ll go for them but I would still feel like I have to be with them.
This doesn’t mean they’ll cut you out of their life but rather they’ll treat you differently as their priorities towards you would have changed. Their significant other is the one they shower in all their love and whilst you’re given an I love you. They’re given all the things that you were getting, just with physical intimacy added to it.
Now you’re probably thinking that I’m being melodramatic and said best friend can love more then one person. However if you remember quite a few posts ago I said that I didn’t like sharing friends. ESPECIALLY, when I am close with said friend. I admittedly feel a little insecure about them coming in and taking the spot I’ve worked so hard to earn because I want to feel and be valued like any human.
I want to build lasting and sustainable relationships of all sorts and that’s why I constantly need assurance that I won’t be replaced. Even with my closest friends I see them or hear of them talking to people genuinely hate and I feel the enemy will replace me. I seriously don’t intend to have these thoughts because not a single one of my friends should be solely committed to me and only me despite my high maintenance ways suggesting otherwise. I try to be a good friend, I try to be happy for them but sometimes I feel insecure and that’s entirely my fault because I let the seed grow instead of killing them as soon as they come. It’s funny that I get the most outlandish seeds in my head and sometimes they have no logic or reasoning behind it but they just arrive.
I promise you I’m not that bad a friend I genuinely do try my best for them but my problem is that I care too much for people and their well-being. I’m too loyal I guess. I almost feel sometimes as if I’m not actually a friend and I’m more of a provider to people who just services people. I don’t know. All I want to do is sleep.