Whaddup Lions and as you may know it’s prom season so that means that just about everyone is doing promming which is stressing out about dresses, suits and stuff. Anyway I didn’t indulge in said promming and I’ll tell you why.
I don’t know the true underlying reason behind my absence maybe I’ll figure it out by the end of writing this post. Maybe it’s fear who knows. Anyway I’m gonna start with the fact that I’m coming back in sixth form as are most people so it’s not much of a goodbye to people.
You could say that “I’ll see my friends and have a fun night with them” yeah we’ve been over this I have literally no friends in school, what I mean by this is true friends. For example they’re people who don’t bully me or have bullied me but as soon as another one of their friends come near during a conversation I’m automatically tossed to the side like an unwanted Christmas present so obviously I’m not an actual friend if I’m gonna be treated like that am I? I’ve been given a hard time by the vast majority of the people that will be there so why should I voluntarily spend money on a ticket, suit etc. Just to be in a room with my former bullies it makes no sense at all. If the cereal squad however were going then sure I’d definitely go because it’d be a good time with people that actually make me feel like a valued member of society and not a safety net that’s only there when nobody’s with them. Honestly guys am I that bad a person that nobody fucks with me? Am I that easy to take advantage of?
There’s also the “you’ll regret it speech” but I’m gonna debunk that by saying I’m only marginally regretting not going to prom because I’ve read other posts talking about how fun it is with their friends and the time THEY had. So obviously I feel happy for them because they had a good time but slightly regretful that I’m gonna miss out. However they’ve had their own stories in school and I’ve had mine and my school experience has been horrible and that’s a compliment to the word horrible. My rational side says that you’re not them so this makes me want to hear their experiences rather than feel sour about prom as an idea and spare myself of the heartbreak I know will go down.
There’s also the mental health side of things. I have social anxiety and I’m still the same person who struggles with it heavily and gets panic attacks. Sure I haven’t had a panic attack in a long time but that’s because of my self-preservation instinct which is to run away from the problem. I’m scared not gonna lie that my anxiety will get the better of me and I won’t be able to control it so that’s the reason why I guessed fear as a reason. I’m also not a party person, I can’t stand rooms with lots of people in. Even when I pass just ANYONE in the street I feel uneasy and slightly anxious so yeah I have bad anxiety and I don’t want to waste any money unnecessarily when all I’m gonna do is feel anxious. It’s tough living with anxiety I wish people got that.
What else…ummm just quickly I hate suits because they’re uncomfortable and I look like shit in them but that’s a really small reason because I’m gonna have to put up with it in the future anyway. I feel as if I’ve wasted away my teenage years in a way and that has lead to me practically living like a hermit instead of making friends however I know full well that the people I come across in school do nothing but bring negativity and I believe in going to places where my peace is protected.
Anyway that’s all for now and I’ll see you later with another post.
Question of the day: Do you understand my point or am I just crazy?