Whaddup Lions and welcome to my monthly progress report. The series where I write a letter to my next month self in order to track my life progress. I normally do these on the 30th of every month but I realised in February that makes it impossible so I’m going to stick to any date past the 25th to put these up. My progress report of last month can be found HERE. Now for the letter.
Dear Lion of July,
June has been an improvement on May since your friend problem has been semi-solved. I mean that you are part of the cereal squad now who are the most loyal, best friends I’ve ever had like on my life. It made me learn that the longer you are made to wait for something, the better it’ll be when it comes. For example I waited a very long time to have friends who appreciate me and I actually feel a part of the group and I spent years more or less in total isolation because I didn’t have friends, however because I waited for friends to come around I got really good friends. I also achieved one of my dreams which was to write a song, like an actual completed song I’m proud of. I’ve made songs before in the past but I never finished them because my perfectionism would always get the better of me because I’d try to do everything myself and I can’t music very well. Another good thing is that your exams are over so you can relax but it didn’t go exactly fully to plan since you froze up because of your hatred towards being inactive but you quickly began new projects to solve it which I’m proud of. I’ve also met part of my NCS group this month, which was great as I’m already on good terms with parts of my group so I’m not entirely an outcast. My only concern now is there being someone that knows me from school being in my group as the whole group didn’t turn up but I’m gonna try to stay positive about this.
Now onto the good, the bad and the dirty (P!ATD reference intended). You know when I say semi-solved in terms of your friend problem, yeah there’s kind of a little problem. The day you’re writing this, you have realised that you’re becoming far too dependant on the cereal squad to maintain your happiness and I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing, maybe you’ll know by next month. This is because they make you incredibly happy and before you started talking to them, you were in a bad place because you felt constantly isolated and your parents weren’t helping at all. I’m gonna tell you this point blank but I’m afraid Lion that you’re starting to show signs of slowly pushing them away. You know this so don’t deny it; what you do is you begin to realise that you’re becoming close to said friend or people that you realise that they’ve began to break down the walls that you’ve built to your heart so instinctively you put those walls back up and make them stronger than they ever were and you don’t like let people in because you don’t want to become dependent. This is because you want to spare yourself of the heartbreak of when they eventually let you down so you distance yourself from them. I think that you shouldn’t push these people away because they’re the best people to have walked into your life for a long time so don’t waste time in pushing them away from you. Sorry I didn’t plan on telling everyone this as it’s still sensitive to you and I know you hate talking about it. Moreover this month you’ve realised that your relationship with your parents isn’t the healthiest in the world. In fact it’s really unhealthy. This is because all interactions with them are the most mentally draining things in the world because they don’t stimulate you mentally and they’re always about topics you have no interest in and your middle child status isn’t doing you any favours in arguments. This has caused you to consider drastic steps which you don’t feel ready to do because of your love for them. You’re even dreading going travelling with them because you simply feel as if they upset you more than lift your mood. Like today you couldn’t even take a dump without them always checking up on where you are and then accusing you of living like a hermit when my peaceful area is in my room.
My advice for you next month is to simply stay positive because before there’s a good thing a bad thing has to happen and the longer the suffering, the better the times that lie ahead. Also please don’t push people away who deserve to be in your life because it’s unhealthy for both parties. See you next month!
Lion of June.