I feel Nothing

Wagwan Strawberry farm and welcome to this post that was mega unexpected. I expected to write this post buzzing at the fact that I have no exams but today is a lot different than expected. This is literally a post explaining how shitty I feel.

I feel terrible now that I’m done and this is because of my parents constantly bringing me down whenever I’m in a good mood. This happens consistently for example when I was saying I’m finally going to be done they felt the need to annoy me by saying “yeah if you even pass, what if you fail and have tor retake a lot of them”. I don’t understand why they choose to demoralise me time after time and I’m up in here like ex-squeeze me supersonic war bitch but is it illegal for me to feel happy and carefree for once. I’m only 16 I’m meant to have no worries but you still load them onto me for no reason. There might be some kind of message behind this constant demoralisation but I’ll figure it out eventually just leave me to be happy. Another thing my mother said was “you didn’t work hard for some subjects because you got complacent and you tried to make a fool out of us to make us think you’re working when you really didn’t do much work at all” *sees my angry expression* “but we’ll see on results day”. This is literally parent code for you’re gonna do badly on all your exams and we’re gonna remind you of this conversation when you get your terrible grades James and the giant bitch. Please leave me to be happy because you know how I deal with depression and you’re aware how bad it can get so don’t even try to deny the severity.

Another reason I feel like doo-doo is because I looked forward to this time for a long time but now I don’t know what to do now that I’m here. I am a guy who looks forward to certain things obsessively to the stage of not knowing how to handle myself when the time comes around.

I don’t think that was is a massive reason and I think another reason that’s bigger is not knowing what to do. This is because I fantasised about spending time with friends and hanging out in this time so often that I began to believe that it would happen. Just about everyone in my year will be invited to parties, having fun with their friends and then there’s me who literally doesn’t have any friends at all and that breaks my heart because of the way everyone talks about how much fun they have with their friends by doing spontaneous things or laughing until their stomachs hurt from laughing and I get envious because nobody wants anything to do with me and I’m more likely for my stomach to hurt from all the literal crying I’ll be doing, (I’m already on a good start since now I’m literally crying like a brownie without chocolate) . I’m not trying to get pity, I appreciate the I’m always there speech I really do but my loneliness is past that point where that stuff works. You could say: “you could write a book, learn a language or blog a lot” but those mostly entail me being creative and you know by now that creativity comes naturally and forcing it compromises the quality of the content. Also it’s so hard to consistently come up with a creative idea that you’ll like every day so that’s why I’m considering not posting as frequently as I do because I want you guys to have the best content possible. However if I do that then I’ll feel pressure to make an amazing post and this blog is crap as it is. I don’t like the thought of being idle at all because I’m so energetic and dependent on keeping my brain active. Why do I have so many issues? I should really have my own TV show where I talk about my problems and insult things and people.

Ok that’s the end of the post that I’m so taking down because it makes my blog look like a negative place full of my problems. Sorry for putting you guys through this crap like I usually do but I got nobody else to talk to so blog it is. Seriously I don’t have any other feelings outlet apart from this blog and I feel it annoys you hearing about my personal life. Before I go “welcome to my new followers I’m not usually like this (well I am since I complain a lot but you will get good content eventually”.

The Lonely Lion

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20 thoughts on “I feel Nothing

  1. Don’t worry about your content. Writing stuff down (however negative) really does help. As for the parents thing, have you talked it out with them; about how they bring out the negativity in you? Anyway, you’re 16 – go out and enjoy the summer!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have and they consistently deny it. Then they turn the blame onto me by saying that I don’t love them and make me feel bad. Thank you for that I appreciate it: I feel so much pressure to always produce great posts for you guys

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your parents need to wake up. This is a difficult one because I can’t really tell you not to take it personally. I guess you can try to ignore it until they see your grades in results day

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Sav, I’m not really good at giving advice or cheering people up but here goes:
    I’m sure you’ve heard this before but it’s okay to feel not okay. It’s fine to let it all out every once in a while and you don’t need to be apologetic about it because it really is something that you need to do so that you don’t feel worse. Besides, this blog is yours and you can post whatever you want on it and your followers do follow you for a reason so that means they’re willing to stick around for whatever content you post (and you do post some really awesome and savage stuff too).
    And the world can be a cruel place – something we all experience at some point in our lives. However, I think what matters the most is how we deal with it- like I said, it’s okay to feel not okay but I do hope that sooner or later (hopefully the former) you’ll be able to stand up and roar mightily again like you always do 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omfg your comments make my days. Thank you so SO much for that. I never thought about it that way that my followers are here for a reason. Thank you purple for the advice

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t mean to argue but these dark clouds of constant home problems and mental health issues shouldn’t be things that show the true me. I want to be known more for my good side not my bad side

      Liked by 1 person

  3. post when you feel like it, it’s ok if you don’t have any friends actually, I barely have any, but that doesn’t mean I would spend days self-loathing, i can just be my own friend, since I understand myself more than anyone does.
    some parents believe if you discourage your child they will prove your wrong, and that <<< just makes me mad tbh
    instead of worrying about the future, why not plan what to do next in the future WITHOUT worrying?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I feel you but there are times where being my best friend gets dull. The thing is my parents are more than aware of how sensitive I am so they know that discouraging me only makes me upset

      Liked by 1 person

  4. First of all, you deserve to get your thoughts out. It’s what your blog can be for, and don’t worry what we think. Trust me, people are here to read your blog and that INCLUDES negative content, because people should see the good and bad. I’m so sorry your parents are acting like this, but THEY’RE the ones bringing you down. If they’re affecting your happiness, ignore them – that’s easier said than done I know. Sorry, my comments aren’t helping. What I’m trying to say is you’ve worked so hard on this, and you should KNOW you have, rather than being brought down by someone else being negative towards you and saying you might not have done well. This is the time where you relax 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for this you are 100% right. I don’t mean to argue but I feel as if I should be coming up with creative ideas instead of moping around and that makes me feel bad as I don’t want to waste my reader’s time

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand, but you’re not wasting our time. We’d read whatever posts you put out, because it still is you. You can post both creativity and negative posts, and don’t force one or the other when you’re not feeling it.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Don’t worry about the content. Blogging is all about getting the feelings out there! I don’t think none of us will judge because we all get it. Sometimes we need to let out all the negative things and share them with people.
    Take care ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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