Wagwan Strawberry farm and welcome to this post that was mega unexpected. I expected to write this post buzzing at the fact that I have no exams but today is a lot different than expected. This is literally a post explaining how shitty I feel.
I feel terrible now that I’m done and this is because of my parents constantly bringing me down whenever I’m in a good mood. This happens consistently for example when I was saying I’m finally going to be done they felt the need to annoy me by saying “yeah if you even pass, what if you fail and have tor retake a lot of them”. I don’t understand why they choose to demoralise me time after time and I’m up in here like ex-squeeze me supersonic war bitch but is it illegal for me to feel happy and carefree for once. I’m only 16 I’m meant to have no worries but you still load them onto me for no reason. There might be some kind of message behind this constant demoralisation but I’ll figure it out eventually just leave me to be happy. Another thing my mother said was “you didn’t work hard for some subjects because you got complacent and you tried to make a fool out of us to make us think you’re working when you really didn’t do much work at all” *sees my angry expression* “but we’ll see on results day”. This is literally parent code for you’re gonna do badly on all your exams and we’re gonna remind you of this conversation when you get your terrible grades James and the giant bitch. Please leave me to be happy because you know how I deal with depression and you’re aware how bad it can get so don’t even try to deny the severity.
Another reason I feel like doo-doo is because I looked forward to this time for a long time but now I don’t know what to do now that I’m here. I am a guy who looks forward to certain things obsessively to the stage of not knowing how to handle myself when the time comes around.
I don’t think that was is a massive reason and I think another reason that’s bigger is not knowing what to do. This is because I fantasised about spending time with friends and hanging out in this time so often that I began to believe that it would happen. Just about everyone in my year will be invited to parties, having fun with their friends and then there’s me who literally doesn’t have any friends at all and that breaks my heart because of the way everyone talks about how much fun they have with their friends by doing spontaneous things or laughing until their stomachs hurt from laughing and I get envious because nobody wants anything to do with me and I’m more likely for my stomach to hurt from all the literal crying I’ll be doing, (I’m already on a good start since now I’m literally crying like a brownie without chocolate) . I’m not trying to get pity, I appreciate the I’m always there speech I really do but my loneliness is past that point where that stuff works. You could say: “you could write a book, learn a language or blog a lot” but those mostly entail me being creative and you know by now that creativity comes naturally and forcing it compromises the quality of the content. Also it’s so hard to consistently come up with a creative idea that you’ll like every day so that’s why I’m considering not posting as frequently as I do because I want you guys to have the best content possible. However if I do that then I’ll feel pressure to make an amazing post and this blog is crap as it is. I don’t like the thought of being idle at all because I’m so energetic and dependent on keeping my brain active. Why do I have so many issues? I should really have my own TV show where I talk about my problems and insult things and people.
Ok that’s the end of the post that I’m so taking down because it makes my blog look like a negative place full of my problems. Sorry for putting you guys through this crap like I usually do but I got nobody else to talk to so blog it is. Seriously I don’t have any other feelings outlet apart from this blog and I feel it annoys you hearing about my personal life. Before I go “welcome to my new followers I’m not usually like this (well I am since I complain a lot but you will get good content eventually”.
The Lonely Lion