Whaddup Lions and welcome to a post that I really enjoy making because it allows me to just write to you and express what’s been going on with me recently while talking out of my ass in the process.
As you guys may have seen from my posts or from separate conversations with me, you’d know that I have not been myself these past few days and I’ve tried to keep this from you because I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. Anyway this month because I’m fasting I am struggling for energy because I can’t eat or drink anything from sunrise to sunset so 19 hours of the day basically and don’t forget this is summer weather. Again I’m not playing the victim I’m just putting into context the reasons of why I’m struggling right now.
I also feel as if fasting takes a toll on my mental health because I’ve noticed that recently I’ve been getting dark thoughts and I’ve been really not in a good emotional state like I have been having thoughts of hurting myself, which I haven’t even considered for a long time. So that’s why I believe fasting does affect my mental health heavily. I don’t get these thoughts from not eating and because of my hangry tendencies taking over but because of my personality. I had an SDS (stop,dissect and solve) session with myself where I sit myself down and retrace the reasons for my sadness to find the root cause and the main cause is my jealous personality trait that I have. I really hate this part of my personality but I’ve realised I can’t stand the thought of other people having something that I don’t. For example I get jealous of people being able to do something and me being unable and I mostly get jealous when I feel threatened by someone for example when it feels like them replacing me in a relationship with someone. These things make me resent a person unnecessarily and I can’t stand it but I’m not gonna mask my flaws for you.
I also want to share a concern with you, which is I’ve noticed that my love for music has left me and I don’t know why. For example previously I used to listen to music while walking down the street and imagining myself performing it in my head while choreographing some sort of dance routine. However when I was coming home earlier, I noticed that I’d lost the passion that I once felt for music. For example I’d try to sing along but it didn’t feel right, I felt almost insecure while doing something that used to make me feel free. My sudden loss of urgency to sing is big for me because when I’m happy I sing, when I’m sad I sing the bottom line is no matter how I’m feeling I’d always find a reason to sing but now it feels so wrong to even dance or sing or to generally respond to the music so I spent the rest of the journey home talking to myself out loud about how my passion deserted me. It was a long time coming as I noticed I began to stop listening to music as often and when I did I’d be really fussy with the songs. Music used to be the one thing that truly gave me spiritual enlightenment in a way but now it’s nothing but a stranger.
So that’s the end of the post which was about something that I enjoy doing I might give time to talks their own category because I do them frequently and enjoy making them. Anyway I’ll see you next time with another post.