It’s been a while since we last talked, I just wanted to thank you for all the things that you’ve done and you breaking my heart was just a symbol of the end. Today I’m just going to write a letter to you to tell you how I’m doing. You probably won’t ever read this as I’ve burned all possible routes back to you but here goes nothing.
I remember the way in which we started out as friends: we had no spark, just a regular friendship not those inseparable best friends that we see in the movies. Until one day everything changed. We began to develop feelings towards each other we both had no idea how to deal with it as we were still incredibly young and too immature to handle this correctly. But we agreed to learn as we went along and I’m happy I did that.
You were my first real love, you know the love that you feel when you’ve felt infatuation before but you were sure this was love. We used to always think of each other, whenever one would compliment the other there would be an unforgettable drop in the stomach. Nobody had made me feel like that before. I remember we’d plan our wedding and our kids names and everything, we couldn’t control ourselves. It was so good at the time but then the mistakes started to creep in.
We moved too quickly because we felt so in love at the time. We told each other literally everything about the other. I told you each and every one of my secrets that I haven’t told anyone before and you returned the stories. We did things we perhaps shouldn’t have done and it soon got to a stage where it was so much pressure and work to maintain and then we broke up for the first time. That was the first time I ever cried over a girl and I really hope it would be my last. A day later we decided to get back together because of how empty we felt and about a week after that we agreed to be done for good. We said our goodbyes thinking that was it. Boy were we wrong.
A few months later I came crawling back in a terrible state: it was near the start of my depression and I came back to you in the hope of having a real friend because I felt so alone in my feelings and in terms of people. I felt like you’d complete me again but you had a new boyfriend and you were happy. However soon after you broke up with him and we began to do everything again: all the same mistakes all over again. This time around you’d changed because of me. I’d put you through so much suffering and I broke you and I then tried to fix you again.
When I came back you started going to parties, doing drugs, getting drunk all the things you said you’d never do. And it was all because of me. Then I held on for far too long. During my depression I felt so alone I felt that you were the one to complete me and make me happy again but I only ended up ruining your mood with my depression and it was so unfair on you. I held on for that long because you’d never given up on me in my worst so I felt you had to see me at my best again. Soon after I finally took the right step and ended us forever. I blocked you on everything and you did the same back. That was finally the end of a relationship that went on far too long. I still remember you our last words “will you actually stay away this time?”
“Good thank you”.
Now I’m at my best again. I’m doing better than I ever imagined and I learned a really valuable lesson from you and that is sometimes you have to let something you love go in order to progress. Do I regret the things I did? Yes I do regret how I handled things when they got sour but I don’t regret spending all that time with you because I learned so much and it helped mould me who I am today. I just want to tell you that I’m ok and I hope you’re ok too. I just want to say that im sorry for putting you through everything. I was the one that broke your heart at first I admit that and apologise for it but the way we ended things broke my heart and ever since then I’ve associated you with pain in order to get over you and that’s worked. Just promise me you’ll follow your dreams and pretend I never existed: it’s better for the both of us.
The Lonely Lion